The thriving journey of a woman - excerpt from my upcoming book "Love Intrigued"

Hi friends,

So, I've engaged on a  journey of writing a book; something I've been putting off for some time. So I thought I'd share with you a small excerpt from the book, which is pretty much work in progress. So yeah, please let me know your thoughts.

With love,
Lady B

The thriving journey of a woman

 

Life is a journey. For a man, it is a journey towards success, triumph and building a legacy. For many women, it's a journey to finding one's own and fulfilment a journey towards womanhood. For a black woman - it's a journey to not only womanhood, but to thriving. A journey of womanhood entails, discovering what womanhood is, defining what it means to you, and learning to embrace the gift that is womanhood. It is a gift because it is not just a natural phenomenon, nor inherent. It is more than gender, and genitalia. But rather the innate abilities that come with being a woman. Most of which we do not know, some we don’t even acknowledge, while others we conveniently remember during heightened feminist moments. But what is a woman? Who is woman? Her worth, contribution and being cannot be defined in the simplistic analogy of opposites, nor natural abilities that come with her genitalia. But she is a daughter, a sister, a mother, an aunt, a grandmother, a woman whose responsibility is more towards others than herself.

 

And in the journey towards womanhood; she loves, laughs, hurts, learns and grows. It's a journey she only can travel for herself. Even though she has people that travel along with her ; in the end; its journey she mostly travels on her own. It's the journey within.

Hair Politics

http://www.bellanaija.com/2013/04/18/long-or-short-straight-or-curl-hair-is-personal/



With India Arie's song I am not my hair......and Chris Rock's documentary on weaves, both worlds are often at conflict with each other, where the one group feels the other is hating on them.

Could this be a bigger phenomenon than hair, where the one "proudly" African group tends to accuse the other of not loving thyself. Pretty much like religion, where anything different is wrong?

I have relaxed my hair for as long as I remember. I recently had an attempt at growing my hair natural but I figured I don't have the patience for it. I love natural hair, and think it looks beautiful. However, I find growing it to be quite a mission, and this is my only challenge with natural hair.

My gripe, however, when it comes to hair is that there seems to be war between the naturalists and the relaxers/weave-wearing woman. At the risk of

 

sounding diplomatic, I reckon (and this is my personal position) that beauty in all its forms is about how you feel about yourself. So, if you feel beautiful in your natural hair, great, and if weave or relaxed hair does it for you, also great.

The issue here, should be celebrating beauty in its different forms. There is no standard definition of beauty, so let's celebrate it in whatever colour, texture or shape in comes.

Here's to woman and her beautiful self.
Lady B!

Love & Pain - Two sides of the same coin

So, the news making headlines of late is how a 21 year old woman in Soweto is to appear in court after cutting her man's genitalia after she caught him cheating with another woman. As to what are the mechanics of the action, and how humanly possible could the man have stood and watched her cut his 'tool' off is another thing. However my issue is to whether or not she did this out of love, anger or obsession. For purposes of this article; let's say she did it out f love.

Now, this has really got me thinking about the things we do for love.  We stick around in toxic relationships in the name of love; we stay in abusive relationships we claim to love the people we are with, or are under the illusion that they love us.

How many of us have been pushed to the edge to do something that was out of character out of love?  How many of us have compromised ourselves in the name of love? How many of us have continually hidden things away from our partners or done things which we knew very well would hurt our partners were they to find out about them? So then this bags the question; is love and pain one thing? Are they two sides of the same coin, that one can not exist without the other? Given the above scenario; and based on personal experience and observation, I'm inclined to believe that it does. As to which gives birth to the other; love or pain, is an issue for debate.

 

Lady B!

Hey Ladies,

So, reading through one of my favourite websites Bella Naija (purely because I admire the Nigerian's work spirit, note I said spirit and not ethic, as well as their dress sense); I came across this article about the dating culture of the Generation Y. And I found it to be quite an interesting read, particularly because one can relate and has observed some of these behavioural tendencies. It got me thinking if really it's because we have become so 'liberal' as we like to call it, or that philandery has become a norm in society? Either way, I'm a traditional girl who believes in simple preservation of self, and truly find these dating terms too complex.

What do you make of  these terms?

Ms B!

 

 The Dating Culture of “Generation Y”

Posted on Monday, September 9th, 2013 at 4:16 PMBy Oluwabusola Adedire

Anyone who knows me can attest to my love for Lauryn Hill and The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill remains one of my favourite albums till date. In the album, there is a song titled ‘Everything is everything’ I quote some of the lyrics below:

‘Everything is everything, what is meant to be will be’… /I wrote these words/ for everyone who struggles in their youth/Who won’t accept deception, instead of what is truth/It seems we lose the game/ before we even start to play/Who made these rules? / We’re so confused/Easily led astray.

These words struck something inside of me. It reminds me of my generation, the microwave generation which has rewritten the rules of dating and relationship. Dating in this generation is one of the most complicated concepts ever. Just like the John Legend song ‘everybody knows that, nobody really knows how to make it work’. But I also reckon it is complicated because we have made it so.

We have adopted a lot of modern terms such as talking, hooking up, seeing someone, friends with benefits, booty call and baby mama today. Even more recently phrases like ‘in an open relationship’ and ‘it is complicated’ as relationship statuses are emerging. Just to give a bit more insight, I came across an informal online survey conducted on some college students about these modern day terms.

Hooking Up:  The most ambiguous term used by Generation Yers. It means anything from making out to sexual intercourse. Generally agreed: hooking up requires no commitment.

Friends With Benefits: Friends who hook up without emotions attached. “People like friends with benefits because they are sexually frustrated and lonely, and it’s an easy way to satisfy that frustration without having to romantically like the person,” said Emily.

Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Exclusivity with someone sexually and emotionally, putting a title on a relationship and being committed. “Once Nick and I made each other our ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend,’ we were 100 percent exclusive and told other people about each other,” Sara said.

Together with someone: Hooking up exclusively with this person without a title, generally seen as avoiding the final step of commitment. However, some people see it as “hooking up and probably having sex, but not exclusive” or “exclusive, but no love yet.”

Seeing Each Other: Described by the Gen Y as “casual dating,” but can range from just hooking up to “the possibility of a relationship in the future.” In the beginning, Sara would tell people she was “seeing” Nick. “For us, that meant it was more than hooking up. It was dating without being official to the rest of world. There were times when occasionally we would hook up with other people.”

Dating: Ambiguously viewed by different people, it is often seen as the same as having a committed boyfriend or girlfriend. However, others define it as going on dates with multiple people.

Going on a Break:  Breaking up, but for only a short period of time. Allowing your partner to get involved with others varies from couple to couple. But some people find that going on a break is sometimes dangerous. “Don’t kid yourself, just break up already,” said one survey response. Stepp agrees: “Sometimes, a partner may use the phrase as a way to break up without admitting that’s what he/she is doing.“

Open Relationship: Most commonly described as a relationship in which you are allowed to hook up with or date other people. The two people have an “emotional investment” in each other but still can have sexual experiences with others.

Booty Call: What distinguishes a booty call from a hook up is that it is usually sexual intercourse that occurs late at night resulting from a phone call or text, fueled by alcohol or purely sexual desires. It is described by Gen Yers as “no strings attached” or “hit it and quit it.”  Culled from GeNYU.

 These days, people want to get results without work; and technology is not helping us either. Whilst reading some of the comments on the backup plan, I could not help but think ‘what are we doing to one another?’ Then we wonder why people can no longer stay married… it is because the foundation was shaky from the start.

In this frenzy of modern dating, we are all familiar with the talking stage. ‘Talking’ means different things to different people but one thing it has in common is two people who like each other but haven’t committed to one another. There is no harm in taking things slow and wanting to know what you are getting into… but there are people, who use ‘talking’ to pass time until they get a better option. Women are the most vulnerable at this point. I am of the opinion that the moment you are confused about where you stand with a man is the moment you should hit the road.

I think my generation is focusing on the wrong things when it comes to building something real. It is beyond attraction, beyond intimacy. In real life, real people have real issues.  When life happens and it always does, you need something stronger than the physical to scale through.

The foundation of any relationship should be built on God, honesty and respect. Many people do not know how to be alone therefore they would rather settle or gamble the options. Too many things have gone wrong, and change can only begin when we change our mind-set. We owe it to generation Z behind us to right our wrongs because if we don’t, catastrophe doesn’t even define what will follow. It starts with correcting our misconceptions about gender roles. Teaching our sons how to men, and it is not in the size of the wallet but the character (responsibility and accountability). Likewise, our daughters that beauty is skin deep, it cannot keep a man. As a matter of fact, you don’t need to be anything other than yourself to be with someone. If they want you, they will stay.

I look forward to living in a society where people can challenge the conventional mind-set around dating relationships. Honesty is KEY!  Be honest with yourself from the start to know what you want. Just like Lauryn Hill said ‘what is meant to be will be’. Don’t force or sweat it, there is a ‘perfect fit’  for everyone. And the only reason most people don’t get it is because they are too impatient to wait for it.

Photo Credit: thechicagocitizen.com

_________________________________________________________________________________________
Oluwabusola Adedire is a graduate of Medical and Pharmacological Sciences, an enthusiast on social issues, and loves to inspire people about life, God and Love. Find her on Instagram @hrh_oluwabusola and on Twitter @HRH_oluwabussie

 

 

Source:

http://www.bellanaija.com/2013/09/09/busola-adedire-the-dating-culture-of-generation-y/

 

Cultural Practices at play: the loss of one woman, the gain of another: a war of first ladies in Zimbabwe

Cultural practices at play: The loss of one woman, the gain of another - A war of first ladies in Zimbabwe.

Watching the South African television programme; People of the South, an interview  with Zimbabwean president, Robert Gabriel Mugabe, one saw a personal reflection of a man with a mind of his own.
With constant banging of the fish to emphasise his point, one can see a true fighter of the liberation of people, not only physically, but economically as well.

I also realised that a lot of my views of Mugabe are truly within what social scientists call the non-commitment zone, in that I'm rather neutral in what and how I perceive Mugabe to be; and that these perceptions have been purely based on the media portrayal of him (# the power of the media and influencing and shaping societal views).

What I found intriguing though, was the discussion on his relationships/marriages with his wives. Somehow, one can't help but detect that perhaps he's a man torn between his first wife (who was his pillar of strength, companion, and one with whom he possibly shared his deepest fears with; but one who arguably failed him in that she couldn't bear him children, and was ailing, and could not help realise the dream of a new Zimbabwe); and on the other hand, his second wife, a young, perhaps beautiful, modern professional woman (who gave him the thrill and excitement of young love, and one he could take pretty pictures with).
In no way, am I undermining, disregarding or disrespecting his marriage to and with Grace Mugabe; but rather reflecting on how Sally's shortcomings, bit her in the end, and another woman gained from it.

Can we truly say, as human beings, that we are accepting of our loved one's shortcomings. what is the thresh hold really?

Grandma's hands

In celebration of mother's and their nurturing hearts. Here's a beautiful song by Bill Withers - Grandma's hands.

 

Let's honour these hands that have prepared food for us, knitted clothes, and felt the cold, while holding and embracing life. The wrinkles that are the linelines that tell the story of our being, and the white hairs that symbolise wisdom.

 

To grand mothers...... 

 

Bill Withers - Grandma's Hands

Grandma's hands
Clapped in church on Sunday morning
Grandma's hands
Played a tambourine so well
Grandma's hands
Used to issue out a warning
She'd say, "Billy don't you run so fast
Might fall on a piece of glass
"Might be snakes there in that grass"
Grandma's hands
Grandma's hands
Soothed a local unwed mother
Grandma's hands
Used to ache sometimes and swell
Grandma's hands
Used to lift her face and tell her,
"Baby, Grandma understands
That you really love that man
Put yourself in Jesus hands"
Grandma's hands
Grandma's hands
Used to hand me piece of candy
Grandma's hands
Picked me up each time I fell
Grandma's hands
Boy, they really came in handy
She'd say, "Matty don' you whip that boy
What you want to spank him for?
He didn't drop no apple core"
But I don't have Grandma anymore

If I get to Heaven I'll look for
Grandma's hands

A mother’ day wish to my daughter - If I could

So, I spent my mother’s day, with my sisters and mothers on a weekend getaway to Kruger National Park, Mpumalanga.

The idea was to take our mothers out for a little time away, to relax and have fun. And that, we did. We had lots of fun, so thank you to all my sisters. Much appreciated.

Come Sunday morning, we treated the mothers to a special mother’s breakfast in the patio by the garden. And as the day progressed, I thought real and hard about what the day meant for me, as a daughter.

It, being my second mother’s day; I reflected back on the past year, when my little angel was just a week old, and how she has grown so much now that she has some diva tendencies, as her aunt would say.

Anyhow, thinking about this day, I realised that this is not so much about me  as a mother; but rather I owed it to my daughter, who, because of her, I’m a mother today. So, while many were wishing their mothers a happy mother’s day (rightfully so, cause that’s what the day is about), I had my own wishes for my daughter, and the best way to express it is though song (I’m black, and so we appreciate music heartily.J).

The song is by Regina Belle – If I could. Here are the lyrics; and I’m sure you’d also wish the same for your child. To motherhood, and womanhood, and the blessing that is a child.

If I could
I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes
Give you courage in a world of compromise
Yes, I would; If I could

I would teach you all the things I never learned
And I'd help you cross the bridges that I burned
Yes, I would; If I could

I would try to shield your innocence from time
But the part of life I gave you isn't mine
I watched you grow
So I could let you go

If I could
I would help you make it through the hungry years
But I know that I can never cry your tears
But I would; If I could

If I live
In a time and place
Where you don't want to be
You don't have to walk along this road with me
My yesterday
Won't have to be your way

If I knew
I'd have tried to change the world I brought you to
Through there wasn't very much that I could do
But I still would; If I could

If, if I could
I would try to shield your innocence from time
But the part of life I gave you isn't mine.
I watched you grow
So I could let you go

If I could
I would help you make it through the hungry years
But I know that I can never cry your tears
But I would; If I could
Yes, I would, Yes, I would, If I could

The journey of Change

Hello friends,

It has been quite a while, since I posted anything on the blog. But hey, Here I am writing about change - a word so often avoided like a plaque by most of us.

Truthfully, most of us don't like to hear the word change because of what it represents. To many, change represents discomfort, a painful journey of moving out of our comfort zone. When someone says change, it often means that they don't like the way we are or do things, and truthfully, no one likes to hear that.

Possibly, one of the discomfort associated with change, is because we've attached negative connotations to the word. Instead of seeing it as an opportunity to do better, and be better; we look at it as not being liked, incompetent, and incapable. Which, in so many ways, talks to our psyche and how we're socialised as people. We need a constant reminder to 'always look on the brighter side',  how come though? How come we're so affected by the negative, and need a reminder to take note of the good? (Food for thought, and a topic for another day)

Anyhow, change is a part of the journey of life. It is inevitable, unlesss you consciously choose to avoid it. Even then, sometimes, change comes naturally, whether you're ready for it or not.
And for me, it is the kind of change that you intentionally embark on that is essentially fundamental. The kind of change that you initiate, and follow through. Change in this context, can be defined as the process of making something different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone:

For me, it started with cutting my hair. On the surface it seemed just like a petty exercise. But for me it marked a bold move to change things from what they were to where I wanted to be. Not that I wanted short hair, but I had to start there. And is so many ways, this signifies the journey that we each have to engage in - gotta start somewhere.

Which brings me to my next point. Change is a process, not an event. And in the journey of life, there are always changes ahead, which provide us with an opportunity to do better and be better. I'll admit it's not easy, but necessary for growth and success.

With all this said, dear friends, Here's to striving for change as an opportunity to grow and be better beings.


The journey continues......

Lady B!

http://www.simplegirlblog.com/1/post/2012/11/biblical-beauty-how-much-is-enough.html

There is More to You than This

There is More to You than This

Here's to a lesson of not being content and/or comfortable with the status quo. Here's to the pursuit of more, bacause really and trully, God created us with the capability to do more than our everyday jobs. Who said you can only pursue one career path? or can only study in one field? What happened to versatility? pursuing one's interests?
Think of how boring we would be if we had no interest in music, books, or movies. If all we lived, ate, became were our careers?

To versality,
Lady B!

No More! (A Poem by Anna Mwalagho)

No More! (A Poem by Anna Mwalagho).

Here's to the triumphant spirit of the African woman.

Enjoy,
Lady B!

The journey towards the pursuit of dreams!

So, like every person, I’ve also been struggling with ‘non-action’. Perhaps it’s a natural phenomenon; but it doesn’t seem to be happening to everyone. There are people who are bold and courageous to do what they set out to do, with no hesitation nor procrastination. And, honestly, I’ve always wished I had that kind of courage.

Anyhow, being a logical person; I’m very big on ideas. I’ve always been an ‘ideas’ person,  but failed to execute. No, rather failed to attempt. Isn’t it amazing  how clichéd it always sounds when someone says “rather try and fail, than try to fail’. Well, I’ve always been on the latter group of people.

But I had my “Aha!” moment, just the other day, when a colleague – one who’s become to be a very good friend and sister (there’s always a good girlfriend around, wherever you are.), shared with me how she set out to pursue her dream and make 2013 the year, when she started living her dream.

And it got me thinking about my journey, where it’s headed and the pace or path it’s on now. I was reminded of all the ideas I’ve got on my journals, which to date, are just ideas written out. I decided then and there, that it is now or never. Either I pursued what I wanted, or just got by and live to regret it afterwards.

So what now?

What now, you may wonder. Well, I’ve decided that this is a new season for me - the dawn of a new day. First, I’m going to take a bold step and act on my ideas and really pursue them. Yes, it won’t be easy, but courage, dedication and hard work are the key pillars to get me to where I want to be. So, I guess, you just watch the  space…..

What are you doing in pursuit of your dreams?

Courageous,

Lady B!

Cry our beloved children - Limpopo girl (7) dies after rape

Limpopo girl (7) dies after rape

Imagine the shock when I heard the news yesterday afternoon of the shameful death of a 7 year old girl following a rape incident by a man she was sent to give keys to.

My heart was bleeding. As a mother myself, I can not even beging to imagine the trauma of your child being raped, let alone die as a result. And yet I ask, are we naive as women (as in the case of the grand mother who sent the little girl to give keys to the men) to trust the men around us? But, then again, what can you do when the very same village of people around you do harm to the child they are supposed to protect? Who can we trust, if our own brothers, uncles, spouses are the ones inflicting pain on our children? Where are our men when our children are being brutally assaulted?

What will become of our nation when its future mothers are caused such damage at an early age? Have we ever stopped to think of what becomes of the child who survives rape?

This week thursday, will mark Human Rights Day in South Africa and 9 other countries. And yet, I wonder, what are human rights? where do they exist, cause they don't exist in my homeland, where children are being raped. Not that the rae of adult women and elderly is correct, but really, how low can we go to even assault a little child with no imagination of what sex or sexual intercouse is? What is the intention even? Is it to hurt the parents, to prove one's manhood, what, what, WHAT?????

Hurting and mind-blogged,
Lady B!

Respect yourself, know your worth

Respect yourself, know your worth

Something for the weekend

Hey ladies,

How profound is this, to know and have the affirmation of the power you possess as a woman - the ability to nurture and birth life.

Here's to celebrating the gift of womanhood.

Have a great weekend.

Lady B!

50 Shades of questions

50 Shades of questions.....

So, I've just finished reading 50 shades of Grey by E.L James. At first I was keen to read the two suceeding books because I found it to be quite captivating, and honestly, curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to know what happens next.

I won't lie and say I din't enjoy the book, cause I did. It was quite intriguing, and an interesting read, and yes, sometimes I did find myself smiling at the dialogue between Christian and Anastasia, especially the email conversations.

But in all honesty, being a woman, I found myself at times frustrated with Anastasia, and seriously thinking about a number of issues that I picked up on the book:

1. Power relations between men and women - I found myself really questioning the power relations between men and women. Who has the power; is it the woman who dresses sexy and can arouse a man when she wants to, or the alter-ego man who represents masculinity, and possess something the woman so badly wants (at the moment), that she doesn't have? what was the real attraction to Christian, was it the arrogance, the material wealth or it was sexual, i.e. the way the pants hang from the waist?

2. Being deceived by your own body- how strange that the body can deceive one, but responding pleasurably to something one would consider to be painful. Do we actually have control over our bodies, or is it a matter of how weather or not we want the body to respond in a certain way in our minds, and in another in our emotions?

3. We all have skeletons - you can have it all, but at the end of the day, we're all human and want more or less the same thing. To love, and be loved, and be fulfilled in our lives. Even  Christian, the greek god, wants 'more'.

Have you read the book? What were your thoughs?

Laters baby,
Lady B!

Teenage pregnancy & Transactional Sex vs Prostitution

The scurge of teenage pregnancy has made huge headlines this week. With some gender activists even proposing that we have preschool and breastfeeding facilitities in our schools. What? You may say; kids are there to learn, not play mommy at school. I am just as outraged with that proposition andd most people may be as it would seem as if we're conding pregnancy, and are even helping these teenagers to raise the kids. But aren't we helping them already? with the child support grant being paid out to most teenage mothers in South Africa, really, we know what portion of our tax money is going.

Another argument would be to say that; teenagers are having sex already, and getting pregnant. So let's accept the reality, that our kids and sisters are having sex. so deal with teh consequences, and forget the problem. 

But really, is this the way to deal with the problem. Reactionary instead of addressing the root cause? According to most in civil society, teenage pregnancy is a social ill, and is a made up of a complex range of issues such as poverty, low self esteem, the lack of relationships with male models, etc. So shouldn't we be striving towards redressing these social ills, instead of accomodating consequences of the root cause problem?

Then there's the issue of transactional sex. According to Wikipedia, transactional sex
relationships are sexual relationships (often involving older men and younger women) where the giving of gifts or services is an important factor. Transactional sex relationships are distinct from other kinds of prostitution, in that the transactional sex provides only a portion of the income of the person providing the sex.

Prostitution, on the other hand, is the business or practice of providing sexual services to another person in return for payment. The person who receives payment for sexual services is called a prostitute or sex worker, and the person who receives such services is known by a multitude of terms.

Evidently, there's very little difference between the two, if any. I'm not sure I know the difference either, other than the one is a once-off with a stranger, and the other possibly a longer-term relationship, so long as the benefits still exist.

So, given these two scenarios, how many of us really, have used sex as a power bargaining tool with our boyfriends, husbands, spouses; either because we're mad at them or we want them to do something for us first? Haven't we wanted them to 'work for it first'? Isn't that transactional sex or even prostitution?

Call it whatever name, but at some point, haven't most, if not all of us, been a prostitute at some point.

Your thoughts?

Mind-blogged,
Lady B!

Nakedness

Many of us have been raised to believe nakedness is a bad thing. But sometimes, it isn't because it rids one of all the layers under which the true self is hidden. Nakedness creates an opportunity to critically look at oneself, with all the flaws and scars, and still see the beauty within. How about we get naked today?

Celebrate Motherhood

For those moments, when there are no words to express the joy, beauty and blessing of being a mother. Here's to celebrating motherhood and its divinity.

A Mother's love: Letter to my daughter: When daddy found out

A Mother’s Love – Letter to my daughter: When Daddy Found Out

When daddy found out, he was so ecstatic; he was just over the moon.

He had been expecting you for a while, and somehow knew you were hiding somewhere before I could even suspect a thing. J

He is eagerly awaiting your arrival, just as I am,

He has so much to teach you; so much guidance and wisdom to share with you - So many moments of laughter, and tears alike.

Just as you are a blessing to me, and him; he too, is a blessing to you. You have a great dad. He is an honourable man of integrity.

Honour and integrity = A true resemblance of man as God intended him to be.

As you look at him, you will see a man who is compassionate, loving, and one who only wants to be the father to you. He will be your friend, be there to hold you when you cry, wipe away your tears and make you smile again.

I know you will have a great bond with daddy; and I’m pretty sure you can hear him when he speaks to you all the time. Always whispering “hey baby, this is daddy”. I’m also pretty sure you can hear the joy and love in his voice when he speaks. You can feel the love in his touch when he strokes you while you’re in the belly. Now that, my baby, tells you of the wonderful man your daddy is, and how much we are both excited about you.

We look forward to your arrival, and the good times we’ll have together. The trips you

will have with daddy – now those should be really fun.

Now, I want you to keep this in your heart, wherever you are: HE LOVES AND ADORES YOU. It may not seem like that at times, when things are not going your way; but you do have a great dad; and an even greater father in heaven. So whatever you do; remember daddy’s greatness and always *THINK GOD*.

Lots of love, mommy (02/06/2011)

 

Lady B!

A Mother's love - Letter to my daughter: Lifelines

 

 

 

A Mother’s Love – Letter to my daughter: Lifelines

So, one of the effects of pregnancy is something called stretch marks. You will grow to know all about them, and cellulites, and love handles, all these terms used to refer to parts of the body. (You will also learn that none of these are purely related to pregnancy. Some people have them even though they’ve never been pregnant. Why the strong association with pregnancy – beats me).

Anyhow, while many women would rather do away with them and try by all means to get rid of them; I choose to cherish them as my lifelines.

 Lifelines which tell the story of your life; from the time you were conceived you began your journey.

Lifelines which tell a story of your birth, and mine too as a mother.

Lifelines which outline the beautiful life ahead of you. The milestones you are yet to face, and the great victories to achieve.

So, when the time comes, and you realise the greatness in you –

When the world will be smiling at you for the great that you do –

Be sure to remember, YOU MADE YOUR MARK FROM CONCEPTION, and ever since you’ve been destined for greatness. Just ask me and I’ll show you the LIFELINES.

Written with love for my dearest daughter (21/07/2011)

Lady B!

International Women's Day

Dear gentle doves,

So, being the first time commemorating the International Women's Day; I attended a public lecture on the AU@50 - the role of women in social development presented by the Thabo Mbeki Institute and Unisa on friday evening.

What a liberating and empowering experience it was. To fellowship with yound and old  inspiring women  talking the role of women in the development of Africa over the years.

While I was quite intrigued with the discussion which put some things into perspective. There were also frustrating moments, where I discovered that there's still a lot to be done with regards to how women are perceived, and what is expected of them vs, what they are capable of and deserve. Unfortunately, I left the lecture with more questions than answers:

• What is my role as young African woman in driving social change my community?
• Why do we as African women, time and time again, have had to justify our existence as if it's something out of the ordinary?
• Why do we have to justify our rights, as if we're the exception when it comes to human rights.
• Why do men feel threatened by our progression, is it really because women change or that men have become accustomed to being the superior sex?
• Why must the empowerment of women be viewed as a compromise over men. Are we really that inferior that a company or institution would view the empowerment of women as a compromise for compliance purposes?
• Not to mention the issue of culture, which really is conveniently used to perpetuate stereotypes and injustices against women.

So, in the end, I realised that we've still got a long way to go before we women are recognised for who they are, and are treated with the respect and honour they deserve. And since, this is the case; I've yet to define what the day meant for me. I suppose, I'm distraught at the social injustice that still exists in our society, and how I and millions of other women are affected by it.

If you, in your own space, have defined what this day means to you. Please share with us, what it means to you.

Also, follow this link to find out what it means to other women in the continent.
http://www.msafropolitan.com/2013/03/what-does-womens-day-mean-to-african-bloggers.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Msafropolitan+%28MsAfropolitan%29

With love,
Lady B!

Quote of the day - Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou

There’s a difference in being an old female and being a woman. Born with certain genitalia, if you don’t get run over by an out of control truck you can become an adult whatever you have been born. A woman is careful with judgment, is courteous, has courage and is much given to kindness, support and respect for other women. This International Women’s Day lifts my heart and makes me remember all the women who have been daughters, mothers and sisters to me. I am grateful and I thank them.

About International Women's Day 2013 - Glenda Stone re. Global IWD Arts

About International Women's Day 2013 - Glenda Stone re. Global IWD Arts

Dear gentle doves,

The thriving journey of an African woman

Today is International Women's Day 2013. It's first time I'm observing this day, and I'm not quite sure what it means to me as a woman, more so, as an African woman. I still need to gather my thoughts along with everything that's going around before I find position.

What does this day mean to you?

A Mother's love - To my darling angel

What a great honour to be blessed with an angel.

An angel you are, that God has entrusted me with.

Knowing that you are inside me, and growing by the second, is such a humbling experience,

To know that God has entrusted me with you is a blessing I will eternally be grateful for.

 

Today, because of you my angel, I will become a mother.

I wonder what kind of a mother I will be; but daddy reckons I will make a great mom, and so do I.

I know it’s not my doing, and won’t be because I’m so awesome; but rather because of the “greatness” that you are, and the “greatness” you bring into the world,

You see, it won’t be because of me that you’ll be great, but because of the inspiration you are and that you bring into my life.

Words cannot express the joy in my heart.

Finding out that you were on your way was, and still is an amazing experience.

I look forward to the many wonder you will bring, our moments of laughter, tears and even silence.

Today, I profess these words to you:

YOU ARE A GREAT BLESSING, and the world awaits your arrival. The grand arrival of a great blessing. YOU ARE, TRULY, GOD’S WORK OF ART.

Written with love for my baby on 02/06/2011.

Lady B!

Clothes do have something to do with decency

http://www.ngopulse.org/article/clothing-has-nothing-do-decency

Ever heard of the phrase, “clothes maketh a man”? And ‘image is everything”. I beg to differ with the Bongiwe Zwane article on the assertion that clothes have nothing to do with decency.

I’m not one to advocate for wearing miniskirts or not wearing them. Hey girl, if it makes you feel and look good, then, by all means go for it.

I, like many African women, was raised to dress in a certain way, wear clothes of certain length; and over the years I have defied most of these expectations as I’ve learned more about myself, my body, my sense of femininity, and personal style. Unlike my upbringing, I wish to raise my daughter to become a liberal young woman of grace and elegance by letting her find her inner goddess, and express it the best way she knows how.

While the issue of the mini skirt is a complex one; what we should be debating is the men’s view of what is acceptable for women to wear and what isn’t? Who or what determines acceptable wear. What we should be looking into is the very thing within men that is triggered by a mini skirt, and the edge to act on that trigger, even the women is a stranger walking down the taxi rank. And, if the miniskirt is so indecent, is assault the best and only way to ‘fix’ the problem?

I have a young daughter who is fast growing, and I cringe at the thought of her not being able to be herself, and dress the way she wants at the fear of being assaulted by a bunch of cowardly old men. I know I’m using strong labels, but really, the level of disrespect and heartlessness that our men are showing these days is appalling. Just the other day in the news, a 2 year old was raped. A 2 YEAR OLD. REALLY, A 2 YEAR OLD?

In this context, clothes do matter because they trigger something in these men that none of us can explain but them. By being rebellious and insisting to wear miniskirts regardless, aren’t we distancing ourselves from the problem? What role do we as women play in this?

Well then, these are my thoughts. What do you say?

Lady B!

African (e)volution - Exclusive Interview: Rosemary Kokuhilwa, Africa’s Stylist Extraordinaire is Ladybrille Woman of the Month, Sept. 2012!Ladybrille®Magazine | Ladybrille®Magazine

Dear gentle doves,

In celebration of African fashion, in my African (e)volution series, let's take a look at Rosemary Kokhilwa, a-Tanzanian born girl whose making in Big in the USA fashion industry, and flying the African flag high.

Fashion and style, are a reflection of who are. We all love, clothes, and love looking good; some to a greater degree than others. Either way, it affects us daily, and whether or not to you it's a big deal or not, I think you will find some interestt in reading Rosemary's story, and hopefully, be inspired.

Exclusive Interview: Rosemary Kokuhilwa, Africa’s Stylist Extraordinaire is Ladybrille Woman of the Month, Sept. 2012!Ladybrille®Magazine | Ladybrille®Magazine

With love,
Lady B!

Exclusive: Thembisa Mshaka, Enriching Women in Entertainment, Ladybrille Woman of the Month May 2012Ladybrille®Magazine | Ladybrille®Magazine

Dear gentle doves,

I'm sure, you also, like me are always on the look out for inspiration from great women who making big moves.

In this interview; Thembisa Mshaka talks about being a mom, a working mother, and most of all a sister.

I hope you enjoy and are inspired by this.

Exclusive: Thembisa Mshaka, Enriching Women in Entertainment, Ladybrille Woman of the Month May 2012Ladybrille®Magazine | Ladybrille®Magazine

With love,
Lady B!

A mother's love - Letter to my daughter: Pregnancy

PREGNANCY

Pregnancy creates a woman with butterfly wings, sitting above a waterfall, and overflowing with all of nature’s goodness from all the seasons.

In her womb she holds a divine power.

With this, comes the shift of perspective.

A couple learns to focus on abundance, rather than lack.

Butterfly wings speak of metamorphosis – in order for a butterfly to be born, the caterpillar must transform,

The process can be scary, and we are called upon to move from the familiar to the unknown.

It is the only way we can grow to reach our potential.

A mother is an Empress – The Empress speaks of creativity and traditionally, is symbolic of maternal energy.

Pregnancy urges us to focus on gratitude, and look forward to new opportunities as watch life transform right before our eyes.

Extract from an Anonymous source -

Lady B!

A mother's love - Letter to my daughter (series launch)

Dear gentle doves,

A mother's love, oh wow, so much has been said and written about it. It's a feeling, an experience you know when you see yourself through the eyes of a child. Their innocence, and dependence on you.

As a mother myself, I often find myself lost in the gaze of my little beautiful daughter. She is such as angel, and brings so much joy. She's just too fabulous.

Not knowing how elese to express my love, and all the other feelings to her, I've decided to write her a letter, which she can read when she's older, and is possibly a mother herself.

I hope you enjoy these series, and maybe you also, can do the same for your children.

Lots of love,
Lady B!

March Monthly Feature - Liberating your soul through giving

Giving is a source of growth and an expression of love. Most of all, giving is a reflection of ourselves to others.

Dear gentle doves,

Here we come, third month into year, where are you with what you set out to do? Are you happy with the shape that your life is taking? And while you’re busy with your pursuits; have you stopped to take time and give?  What kind of a giver are you; in other words, how liberated are you in your giving.

This month, I’d like us to explore the gift of giving, and how it impacts each of us. I call it a gift, because it doesn’t necessarily come natural to all of us, and we each react differently to it. Some find giving, an effortless gesture, others place limits on the extent to which they may give, while many, only give if there’s something to get back.

Ever felt guilty for giving away something? Or somewhat wished you hadn’t given that much, or to the person you gave to?

Often, if not most times, giving is a reflection of the person you are, hence we’d refer to someone as a ‘giving’ person. And really, what is the difference between giving and being generous?

Taking lead, from the R.O.S calendar, we take inspiration from the literature icon and human activist, Ms. Maya Angelou. And the one quote, out of many, I decided to feature on this year’s calendar is on giving. I believe, there is more to the gift of giving, not just giving because you are obliged to, nor giving because you can afford to or you’re expressing an emotion. But giving as a way of knowing oneself, and the relationship with oneself.

It is said, blessed that gives than the one that receives, but honestly, it is not always easy to give. It can be painful at times, and may feel like a drag. So how exactly do we tackle this? By looking at it as an extension of yourself, an extension of love to yourself; to be able to give. Not as making a difference in another’s life, nor helping out someone in need. Because truth be told, if you’re not around to help out, someone else is. Not always, but someone is there to help out. In other words; if someone helped out before you lend a helping hand, someone might beat you to it. Does it then mean you’ve missed out an opportunity to give? No, it means you’ve lost out on an opportunity to grow and love yourself.

Please don’t get me wrong, gentle doves. I’m not saying that giving with the intention of helping out is wrong, I’m merely saying, giving when you’re detached to it is detrimental to you and your being.

Think of giving birth to a baby. It’s something outside of you, outside of your control and opinion, but how fulfilling, and liberating it is, to hold and look into the life you’ve just brought into the world. You look at yourself differently thereafter, you love yourself more, you love the fact that you are a live-giver. 

So, why not give birth to the gift of giving within.

Here’s to unleashing the gift of giving within ourselves……

 

With love,

Lady B!