There is More to You than This

There is More to You than This

Here's to a lesson of not being content and/or comfortable with the status quo. Here's to the pursuit of more, bacause really and trully, God created us with the capability to do more than our everyday jobs. Who said you can only pursue one career path? or can only study in one field? What happened to versatility? pursuing one's interests?
Think of how boring we would be if we had no interest in music, books, or movies. If all we lived, ate, became were our careers?

To versality,
Lady B!

No More! (A Poem by Anna Mwalagho)

No More! (A Poem by Anna Mwalagho).

Here's to the triumphant spirit of the African woman.

Enjoy,
Lady B!

The journey towards the pursuit of dreams!

So, like every person, I’ve also been struggling with ‘non-action’. Perhaps it’s a natural phenomenon; but it doesn’t seem to be happening to everyone. There are people who are bold and courageous to do what they set out to do, with no hesitation nor procrastination. And, honestly, I’ve always wished I had that kind of courage.

Anyhow, being a logical person; I’m very big on ideas. I’ve always been an ‘ideas’ person,  but failed to execute. No, rather failed to attempt. Isn’t it amazing  how clichéd it always sounds when someone says “rather try and fail, than try to fail’. Well, I’ve always been on the latter group of people.

But I had my “Aha!” moment, just the other day, when a colleague – one who’s become to be a very good friend and sister (there’s always a good girlfriend around, wherever you are.), shared with me how she set out to pursue her dream and make 2013 the year, when she started living her dream.

And it got me thinking about my journey, where it’s headed and the pace or path it’s on now. I was reminded of all the ideas I’ve got on my journals, which to date, are just ideas written out. I decided then and there, that it is now or never. Either I pursued what I wanted, or just got by and live to regret it afterwards.

So what now?

What now, you may wonder. Well, I’ve decided that this is a new season for me - the dawn of a new day. First, I’m going to take a bold step and act on my ideas and really pursue them. Yes, it won’t be easy, but courage, dedication and hard work are the key pillars to get me to where I want to be. So, I guess, you just watch the  space…..

What are you doing in pursuit of your dreams?

Courageous,

Lady B!

Cry our beloved children - Limpopo girl (7) dies after rape

Limpopo girl (7) dies after rape

Imagine the shock when I heard the news yesterday afternoon of the shameful death of a 7 year old girl following a rape incident by a man she was sent to give keys to.

My heart was bleeding. As a mother myself, I can not even beging to imagine the trauma of your child being raped, let alone die as a result. And yet I ask, are we naive as women (as in the case of the grand mother who sent the little girl to give keys to the men) to trust the men around us? But, then again, what can you do when the very same village of people around you do harm to the child they are supposed to protect? Who can we trust, if our own brothers, uncles, spouses are the ones inflicting pain on our children? Where are our men when our children are being brutally assaulted?

What will become of our nation when its future mothers are caused such damage at an early age? Have we ever stopped to think of what becomes of the child who survives rape?

This week thursday, will mark Human Rights Day in South Africa and 9 other countries. And yet, I wonder, what are human rights? where do they exist, cause they don't exist in my homeland, where children are being raped. Not that the rae of adult women and elderly is correct, but really, how low can we go to even assault a little child with no imagination of what sex or sexual intercouse is? What is the intention even? Is it to hurt the parents, to prove one's manhood, what, what, WHAT?????

Hurting and mind-blogged,
Lady B!

Respect yourself, know your worth

Respect yourself, know your worth

Something for the weekend

Hey ladies,

How profound is this, to know and have the affirmation of the power you possess as a woman - the ability to nurture and birth life.

Here's to celebrating the gift of womanhood.

Have a great weekend.

Lady B!

50 Shades of questions

50 Shades of questions.....

So, I've just finished reading 50 shades of Grey by E.L James. At first I was keen to read the two suceeding books because I found it to be quite captivating, and honestly, curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to know what happens next.

I won't lie and say I din't enjoy the book, cause I did. It was quite intriguing, and an interesting read, and yes, sometimes I did find myself smiling at the dialogue between Christian and Anastasia, especially the email conversations.

But in all honesty, being a woman, I found myself at times frustrated with Anastasia, and seriously thinking about a number of issues that I picked up on the book:

1. Power relations between men and women - I found myself really questioning the power relations between men and women. Who has the power; is it the woman who dresses sexy and can arouse a man when she wants to, or the alter-ego man who represents masculinity, and possess something the woman so badly wants (at the moment), that she doesn't have? what was the real attraction to Christian, was it the arrogance, the material wealth or it was sexual, i.e. the way the pants hang from the waist?

2. Being deceived by your own body- how strange that the body can deceive one, but responding pleasurably to something one would consider to be painful. Do we actually have control over our bodies, or is it a matter of how weather or not we want the body to respond in a certain way in our minds, and in another in our emotions?

3. We all have skeletons - you can have it all, but at the end of the day, we're all human and want more or less the same thing. To love, and be loved, and be fulfilled in our lives. Even  Christian, the greek god, wants 'more'.

Have you read the book? What were your thoughs?

Laters baby,
Lady B!

Teenage pregnancy & Transactional Sex vs Prostitution

The scurge of teenage pregnancy has made huge headlines this week. With some gender activists even proposing that we have preschool and breastfeeding facilitities in our schools. What? You may say; kids are there to learn, not play mommy at school. I am just as outraged with that proposition andd most people may be as it would seem as if we're conding pregnancy, and are even helping these teenagers to raise the kids. But aren't we helping them already? with the child support grant being paid out to most teenage mothers in South Africa, really, we know what portion of our tax money is going.

Another argument would be to say that; teenagers are having sex already, and getting pregnant. So let's accept the reality, that our kids and sisters are having sex. so deal with teh consequences, and forget the problem. 

But really, is this the way to deal with the problem. Reactionary instead of addressing the root cause? According to most in civil society, teenage pregnancy is a social ill, and is a made up of a complex range of issues such as poverty, low self esteem, the lack of relationships with male models, etc. So shouldn't we be striving towards redressing these social ills, instead of accomodating consequences of the root cause problem?

Then there's the issue of transactional sex. According to Wikipedia, transactional sex
relationships are sexual relationships (often involving older men and younger women) where the giving of gifts or services is an important factor. Transactional sex relationships are distinct from other kinds of prostitution, in that the transactional sex provides only a portion of the income of the person providing the sex.

Prostitution, on the other hand, is the business or practice of providing sexual services to another person in return for payment. The person who receives payment for sexual services is called a prostitute or sex worker, and the person who receives such services is known by a multitude of terms.

Evidently, there's very little difference between the two, if any. I'm not sure I know the difference either, other than the one is a once-off with a stranger, and the other possibly a longer-term relationship, so long as the benefits still exist.

So, given these two scenarios, how many of us really, have used sex as a power bargaining tool with our boyfriends, husbands, spouses; either because we're mad at them or we want them to do something for us first? Haven't we wanted them to 'work for it first'? Isn't that transactional sex or even prostitution?

Call it whatever name, but at some point, haven't most, if not all of us, been a prostitute at some point.

Your thoughts?

Mind-blogged,
Lady B!

Nakedness

Many of us have been raised to believe nakedness is a bad thing. But sometimes, it isn't because it rids one of all the layers under which the true self is hidden. Nakedness creates an opportunity to critically look at oneself, with all the flaws and scars, and still see the beauty within. How about we get naked today?

Celebrate Motherhood

For those moments, when there are no words to express the joy, beauty and blessing of being a mother. Here's to celebrating motherhood and its divinity.

A Mother's love: Letter to my daughter: When daddy found out

A Mother’s Love – Letter to my daughter: When Daddy Found Out

When daddy found out, he was so ecstatic; he was just over the moon.

He had been expecting you for a while, and somehow knew you were hiding somewhere before I could even suspect a thing. J

He is eagerly awaiting your arrival, just as I am,

He has so much to teach you; so much guidance and wisdom to share with you - So many moments of laughter, and tears alike.

Just as you are a blessing to me, and him; he too, is a blessing to you. You have a great dad. He is an honourable man of integrity.

Honour and integrity = A true resemblance of man as God intended him to be.

As you look at him, you will see a man who is compassionate, loving, and one who only wants to be the father to you. He will be your friend, be there to hold you when you cry, wipe away your tears and make you smile again.

I know you will have a great bond with daddy; and I’m pretty sure you can hear him when he speaks to you all the time. Always whispering “hey baby, this is daddy”. I’m also pretty sure you can hear the joy and love in his voice when he speaks. You can feel the love in his touch when he strokes you while you’re in the belly. Now that, my baby, tells you of the wonderful man your daddy is, and how much we are both excited about you.

We look forward to your arrival, and the good times we’ll have together. The trips you

will have with daddy – now those should be really fun.

Now, I want you to keep this in your heart, wherever you are: HE LOVES AND ADORES YOU. It may not seem like that at times, when things are not going your way; but you do have a great dad; and an even greater father in heaven. So whatever you do; remember daddy’s greatness and always *THINK GOD*.

Lots of love, mommy (02/06/2011)

 

Lady B!

A Mother's love - Letter to my daughter: Lifelines

 

 

 

A Mother’s Love – Letter to my daughter: Lifelines

So, one of the effects of pregnancy is something called stretch marks. You will grow to know all about them, and cellulites, and love handles, all these terms used to refer to parts of the body. (You will also learn that none of these are purely related to pregnancy. Some people have them even though they’ve never been pregnant. Why the strong association with pregnancy – beats me).

Anyhow, while many women would rather do away with them and try by all means to get rid of them; I choose to cherish them as my lifelines.

 Lifelines which tell the story of your life; from the time you were conceived you began your journey.

Lifelines which tell a story of your birth, and mine too as a mother.

Lifelines which outline the beautiful life ahead of you. The milestones you are yet to face, and the great victories to achieve.

So, when the time comes, and you realise the greatness in you –

When the world will be smiling at you for the great that you do –

Be sure to remember, YOU MADE YOUR MARK FROM CONCEPTION, and ever since you’ve been destined for greatness. Just ask me and I’ll show you the LIFELINES.

Written with love for my dearest daughter (21/07/2011)

Lady B!

International Women's Day

Dear gentle doves,

So, being the first time commemorating the International Women's Day; I attended a public lecture on the AU@50 - the role of women in social development presented by the Thabo Mbeki Institute and Unisa on friday evening.

What a liberating and empowering experience it was. To fellowship with yound and old  inspiring women  talking the role of women in the development of Africa over the years.

While I was quite intrigued with the discussion which put some things into perspective. There were also frustrating moments, where I discovered that there's still a lot to be done with regards to how women are perceived, and what is expected of them vs, what they are capable of and deserve. Unfortunately, I left the lecture with more questions than answers:

• What is my role as young African woman in driving social change my community?
• Why do we as African women, time and time again, have had to justify our existence as if it's something out of the ordinary?
• Why do we have to justify our rights, as if we're the exception when it comes to human rights.
• Why do men feel threatened by our progression, is it really because women change or that men have become accustomed to being the superior sex?
• Why must the empowerment of women be viewed as a compromise over men. Are we really that inferior that a company or institution would view the empowerment of women as a compromise for compliance purposes?
• Not to mention the issue of culture, which really is conveniently used to perpetuate stereotypes and injustices against women.

So, in the end, I realised that we've still got a long way to go before we women are recognised for who they are, and are treated with the respect and honour they deserve. And since, this is the case; I've yet to define what the day meant for me. I suppose, I'm distraught at the social injustice that still exists in our society, and how I and millions of other women are affected by it.

If you, in your own space, have defined what this day means to you. Please share with us, what it means to you.

Also, follow this link to find out what it means to other women in the continent.
http://www.msafropolitan.com/2013/03/what-does-womens-day-mean-to-african-bloggers.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Msafropolitan+%28MsAfropolitan%29

With love,
Lady B!

Quote of the day - Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou

There’s a difference in being an old female and being a woman. Born with certain genitalia, if you don’t get run over by an out of control truck you can become an adult whatever you have been born. A woman is careful with judgment, is courteous, has courage and is much given to kindness, support and respect for other women. This International Women’s Day lifts my heart and makes me remember all the women who have been daughters, mothers and sisters to me. I am grateful and I thank them.

About International Women's Day 2013 - Glenda Stone re. Global IWD Arts

About International Women's Day 2013 - Glenda Stone re. Global IWD Arts

Dear gentle doves,

The thriving journey of an African woman

Today is International Women's Day 2013. It's first time I'm observing this day, and I'm not quite sure what it means to me as a woman, more so, as an African woman. I still need to gather my thoughts along with everything that's going around before I find position.

What does this day mean to you?

A Mother's love - To my darling angel

What a great honour to be blessed with an angel.

An angel you are, that God has entrusted me with.

Knowing that you are inside me, and growing by the second, is such a humbling experience,

To know that God has entrusted me with you is a blessing I will eternally be grateful for.

 

Today, because of you my angel, I will become a mother.

I wonder what kind of a mother I will be; but daddy reckons I will make a great mom, and so do I.

I know it’s not my doing, and won’t be because I’m so awesome; but rather because of the “greatness” that you are, and the “greatness” you bring into the world,

You see, it won’t be because of me that you’ll be great, but because of the inspiration you are and that you bring into my life.

Words cannot express the joy in my heart.

Finding out that you were on your way was, and still is an amazing experience.

I look forward to the many wonder you will bring, our moments of laughter, tears and even silence.

Today, I profess these words to you:

YOU ARE A GREAT BLESSING, and the world awaits your arrival. The grand arrival of a great blessing. YOU ARE, TRULY, GOD’S WORK OF ART.

Written with love for my baby on 02/06/2011.

Lady B!

Clothes do have something to do with decency

http://www.ngopulse.org/article/clothing-has-nothing-do-decency

Ever heard of the phrase, “clothes maketh a man”? And ‘image is everything”. I beg to differ with the Bongiwe Zwane article on the assertion that clothes have nothing to do with decency.

I’m not one to advocate for wearing miniskirts or not wearing them. Hey girl, if it makes you feel and look good, then, by all means go for it.

I, like many African women, was raised to dress in a certain way, wear clothes of certain length; and over the years I have defied most of these expectations as I’ve learned more about myself, my body, my sense of femininity, and personal style. Unlike my upbringing, I wish to raise my daughter to become a liberal young woman of grace and elegance by letting her find her inner goddess, and express it the best way she knows how.

While the issue of the mini skirt is a complex one; what we should be debating is the men’s view of what is acceptable for women to wear and what isn’t? Who or what determines acceptable wear. What we should be looking into is the very thing within men that is triggered by a mini skirt, and the edge to act on that trigger, even the women is a stranger walking down the taxi rank. And, if the miniskirt is so indecent, is assault the best and only way to ‘fix’ the problem?

I have a young daughter who is fast growing, and I cringe at the thought of her not being able to be herself, and dress the way she wants at the fear of being assaulted by a bunch of cowardly old men. I know I’m using strong labels, but really, the level of disrespect and heartlessness that our men are showing these days is appalling. Just the other day in the news, a 2 year old was raped. A 2 YEAR OLD. REALLY, A 2 YEAR OLD?

In this context, clothes do matter because they trigger something in these men that none of us can explain but them. By being rebellious and insisting to wear miniskirts regardless, aren’t we distancing ourselves from the problem? What role do we as women play in this?

Well then, these are my thoughts. What do you say?

Lady B!

African (e)volution - Exclusive Interview: Rosemary Kokuhilwa, Africa’s Stylist Extraordinaire is Ladybrille Woman of the Month, Sept. 2012!Ladybrille®Magazine | Ladybrille®Magazine

Dear gentle doves,

In celebration of African fashion, in my African (e)volution series, let's take a look at Rosemary Kokhilwa, a-Tanzanian born girl whose making in Big in the USA fashion industry, and flying the African flag high.

Fashion and style, are a reflection of who are. We all love, clothes, and love looking good; some to a greater degree than others. Either way, it affects us daily, and whether or not to you it's a big deal or not, I think you will find some interestt in reading Rosemary's story, and hopefully, be inspired.

Exclusive Interview: Rosemary Kokuhilwa, Africa’s Stylist Extraordinaire is Ladybrille Woman of the Month, Sept. 2012!Ladybrille®Magazine | Ladybrille®Magazine

With love,
Lady B!

Exclusive: Thembisa Mshaka, Enriching Women in Entertainment, Ladybrille Woman of the Month May 2012Ladybrille®Magazine | Ladybrille®Magazine

Dear gentle doves,

I'm sure, you also, like me are always on the look out for inspiration from great women who making big moves.

In this interview; Thembisa Mshaka talks about being a mom, a working mother, and most of all a sister.

I hope you enjoy and are inspired by this.

Exclusive: Thembisa Mshaka, Enriching Women in Entertainment, Ladybrille Woman of the Month May 2012Ladybrille®Magazine | Ladybrille®Magazine

With love,
Lady B!

A mother's love - Letter to my daughter: Pregnancy

PREGNANCY

Pregnancy creates a woman with butterfly wings, sitting above a waterfall, and overflowing with all of nature’s goodness from all the seasons.

In her womb she holds a divine power.

With this, comes the shift of perspective.

A couple learns to focus on abundance, rather than lack.

Butterfly wings speak of metamorphosis – in order for a butterfly to be born, the caterpillar must transform,

The process can be scary, and we are called upon to move from the familiar to the unknown.

It is the only way we can grow to reach our potential.

A mother is an Empress – The Empress speaks of creativity and traditionally, is symbolic of maternal energy.

Pregnancy urges us to focus on gratitude, and look forward to new opportunities as watch life transform right before our eyes.

Extract from an Anonymous source -

Lady B!

A mother's love - Letter to my daughter (series launch)

Dear gentle doves,

A mother's love, oh wow, so much has been said and written about it. It's a feeling, an experience you know when you see yourself through the eyes of a child. Their innocence, and dependence on you.

As a mother myself, I often find myself lost in the gaze of my little beautiful daughter. She is such as angel, and brings so much joy. She's just too fabulous.

Not knowing how elese to express my love, and all the other feelings to her, I've decided to write her a letter, which she can read when she's older, and is possibly a mother herself.

I hope you enjoy these series, and maybe you also, can do the same for your children.

Lots of love,
Lady B!

March Monthly Feature - Liberating your soul through giving

Giving is a source of growth and an expression of love. Most of all, giving is a reflection of ourselves to others.

Dear gentle doves,

Here we come, third month into year, where are you with what you set out to do? Are you happy with the shape that your life is taking? And while you’re busy with your pursuits; have you stopped to take time and give?  What kind of a giver are you; in other words, how liberated are you in your giving.

This month, I’d like us to explore the gift of giving, and how it impacts each of us. I call it a gift, because it doesn’t necessarily come natural to all of us, and we each react differently to it. Some find giving, an effortless gesture, others place limits on the extent to which they may give, while many, only give if there’s something to get back.

Ever felt guilty for giving away something? Or somewhat wished you hadn’t given that much, or to the person you gave to?

Often, if not most times, giving is a reflection of the person you are, hence we’d refer to someone as a ‘giving’ person. And really, what is the difference between giving and being generous?

Taking lead, from the R.O.S calendar, we take inspiration from the literature icon and human activist, Ms. Maya Angelou. And the one quote, out of many, I decided to feature on this year’s calendar is on giving. I believe, there is more to the gift of giving, not just giving because you are obliged to, nor giving because you can afford to or you’re expressing an emotion. But giving as a way of knowing oneself, and the relationship with oneself.

It is said, blessed that gives than the one that receives, but honestly, it is not always easy to give. It can be painful at times, and may feel like a drag. So how exactly do we tackle this? By looking at it as an extension of yourself, an extension of love to yourself; to be able to give. Not as making a difference in another’s life, nor helping out someone in need. Because truth be told, if you’re not around to help out, someone else is. Not always, but someone is there to help out. In other words; if someone helped out before you lend a helping hand, someone might beat you to it. Does it then mean you’ve missed out an opportunity to give? No, it means you’ve lost out on an opportunity to grow and love yourself.

Please don’t get me wrong, gentle doves. I’m not saying that giving with the intention of helping out is wrong, I’m merely saying, giving when you’re detached to it is detrimental to you and your being.

Think of giving birth to a baby. It’s something outside of you, outside of your control and opinion, but how fulfilling, and liberating it is, to hold and look into the life you’ve just brought into the world. You look at yourself differently thereafter, you love yourself more, you love the fact that you are a live-giver. 

So, why not give birth to the gift of giving within.

Here’s to unleashing the gift of giving within ourselves……

 

With love,

Lady B!

Wrapping Black History Month

The theme for 2013: Reaching back - moving forward

 Dear gentle doves,

The month of february was black history month; an annual observance and remembrance of people and events in the history of the African diaspora. Although primarily celebrated in the USA, I believe it holds true for each and every black person on the surface of the earth.

This year's theme, particularly, was very intriguing - 'Reaching back - Moving forward'. How profound and loaded is this declaration. Indeed, in order to move forward, you need to draw from the reserves of the past. Lessons learnt, skills acquired, and the knowledge obtained.

In recapping the month that was a celebration of the thriving spirit of the black human race; I've put tpgether a list of must-read books for every woman. It's african inspired, and I believe more relevant than ever to the modern African woman. I've had the pleasure of reading some of the literature, and will also be reading more.

TOP 20 AFRICAN LITERATURE READS FOR WOMEN:
1. This child will be Great: Memoir of a Remarkable Life by Africa's First Woman President - Ellen Johnson Sirleaf
2. The impact of our actions - Kedibone Mooi
3. The Joys of Motherhood - Buchi Emecheta
4. The Slave Girl - Buchi Emecheta
5. Nervous Conditions - Tsitsi Dangarembga
6. Burgher's Daughter - Nadine Gordimer
7. A question of power - Bessie Head
8. Woman at point zero - Nawal El Saasawi
9. Butterfly burning - Yvonne Vera
10 Male daughters, female husbands - Ifi Amadiume
11.Unbowed: A Memoir - Wangari Maathai
12. The Madams - Zukiswa Wanner
13. Behind every successful man - Zukiswa Wanner
14. Fat song for my girlfriends - Napo Mashiane
15. A ribbong of rhythm - Lebo Mashile
16. So long a letter - Mariama Ba
17. Our sister kill joy - Ama Ata Aidoo
18. Half of a yellow sun - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
19. My son's story - Nadine Gordimer
20. The Icarus Girl - Helen Oyeyemi

So, when you've got time; get yourself a drink, grab a book and be ready to be laugh and be fumed by some of the assertations in these books, and the role of the African woman in society, but most, of all, appreciate the strength of this beautiful, graceful, stroong African woman that you are.

With love,
Lady B